Random - Volume 2
Fresh nonsense made possible by burritos and questionable posture.
Yoga Life
If you could describe my life in a yoga position, it would be called Vulture Pose: hunched over at a desk, life beating me senseless.
Jean Day at the Gym
I saw a guy working out in jeans. He was running.
Then I saw a woman behind him, also working out, yelling, “Help! Help! He stole my purse!”
These CrossFits are getting too realistic.
Sweater Logic
We all have too much stuff. Ever apply this logic?
Instead of buying five cheap sweaters, I’ll just get one really nice one.
… And then I’ll buy four really nice ones.
Teapot Revelation
If Aladdin taught me anything, it’s that they used to call teapots “lamps”.
The Maldives
Wealthy people go on wild vacations. A guy in my office said he was going to the Maldives. He just threw it out there casually. Then I had to pretend I’d heard of it.“Oh, the Maldives… yeah, that’s going to be cold.”
“Cold? It’s 83 degrees year-round.”
“… I meant the plane ride.”
Mentor of the Year
My mentor said he saw something in me.
Either my potential… or the fact that I was the only one in the room.
Too Busy People
Ever ask someone if they’ve watched your favorite show, and they hit you with, “Oh, I’m too busy”?
Too busy with what?
You come home, feed the kids, eat dinner—boom, it’s 8pm.
What then? Water your plants for three hours straight?
You’re telling me you’re not stuck in an endless loop of YouTube videos and online shopping like the rest of us?
“No! I’m far too busy. My side hustle is really taking off. I refurbish sofa arms on underappreciated couches. It’s incredibly rewarding… and fruitful.
The Lamborghini Theory of Urban Planning
A parked Lamborghini adds instant credibility to whatever street you’re on. If rich people are going to where you’re at, feel free to relax, because it must not get any better.
Chipotle’s Layering Problem
Could Chipotle please start mixing its burrito contents? Everything is in layers. My first bite today was 90% lettuce. The second was mostly beans. On the third, I could hardly taste the listeria.
Produce Theory
There are only two reliable pieces of produce in this country: apples and carrots.
I know many of you are thinking, “But what about cabbage?”
Cabbage is what a cold, hard-vegetable country puts on its flag.
Probably somewhere like the Maldives.
That’s all for now. If you felt any part of Vulture Pose in your own spine, I’ll take the win.
See you soon,
— Ricky C.