Henry sat on the open deck of the Salty Mermaid bar, overlooking the harbor. A bowl of fish chowder was busy attracting a fly alongside his ale. Anne dropped a folder onto the table.
“I’m on lunch,” he said.
“The Department of Maritime Misconduct waits on no man. We’ve got flag approvals.”
“You know, there was a time when my meal breaks revolved around an ale or three, capped off by a nap and a game of dice.”
“Those were simpler times, dear.”
“First they came for the naps. Now lunch. If they say we have to stop drinking on the shift—”
“I’ll burn the department to the waterline.”
Henry smiled. “I’m a lucky guy, Anne.”
She put an arm on his shoulder and cracked the folder open. “Lucky… and busy. This first one’s from Clamshell Mike.”
Henry snarled. “Always hated that name.” He studied the drawing. “What am I even looking at here?”
“I believe it’s a seahorse inside of a shoe.”
“Fail. What’s the goal there? Strike fear of a foot blister.”
“Not sure. Clamshell is a bit of a doofus, but thinks of himself as the creative type.” Anne set the next flag proof down.
They both stared. Anne rotated the picture.
Henry’s mouth opened. He squinted. “I’ve seen globs of horse dung land in a better formation than this.”
“Fail,” Anne said. “Next, we have Earthworm Tim’s submission from Two Stacked Cows.”
Henry shook his head. “As an aside, who is approving these boat names? Two Stacked Cattle?”
“Cows.”
“Pardon?”
“The ship. It’s Two Stacked Cows,” Anne said.
“That’s objectively worse.”
“I believe Lucy’s been approving. She’s got one eye and low ambition.”
“Ah. Well, that explains it.”
Anne slid the proof toward him.
The flag was bright orange, with two yellow cows stacked neatly atop one another.
Henry leaned closer. “Well, damn.”
“Quite good,” Anne said.
“Exceptional linework, really. The cattle, I didn’t think I’d like their stacked formation, but the udders… it’s somehow captivating.”
“Agreed. The man understands bovine.”
“Normally I’d throw something like this directly in the rubbish, as it doesn’t frighten in the least.”
“But truly impresses.”
“Aye. Approval?”
“Why not?”
“One Eye Lucy’s obviously liberal with the stamp, why can’t we?”
“That’s the spirit.”
Henry pushed back from the table. “Is that all of them?”
“It is.”
“Excellent. Let’s break out the dice.” He stood and raised a hand. “Barmaid! Two more ales here!”
Anne slapped another folder down. “Better make it four.”
“What’s that?”
“Parrot registrations.”
“Cursed to hell, the water rats of bureaucracy.”
Original artwork by Ninjastroni
Ahoy!
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See you soon,
—Ricky C.
Header illustration: Claude Lovat Fraiser, Pirates (1922)
Loved it! Pirate bureaucracy! 😂🖤
You gotta trust a gal with one eye and low ambition. Your stories are a bright spark in my day as always!