Observations from the Back Row

English Muffins

No one has ever finished a sleeve of English Muffins. Do they know that over there at the muffin factory?

Six muffins. What am I running a summer camp?

Show Scenes

TV writers seem obsessed with certain scenes. They keep forcing them into scripts, and I can’t help wondering, don’t they know we’ve all seen these?

Fluid in the lungs.

“Oh no, he’s not going to make it!”
“Wait. Good news. I have a pen to jam into his body and release the air.”

That’s not even the right problem.
We were worried about fluid. Air is supposed to be in there.
You’re not draining his lungs, you’re just stabbing him with office supplies.

Cauterizing the wound.

Take a shot of whiskey. Pour some on the wound. Bite down on a belt.

First of all, I’m not putting my disgusting belt in my mouth, and neither should this guy.
Second, we get it. He’s tough. And the medical benefits of single malt remain unclear.

The Whiskey Order

And then there’s the woman drinking whiskey.
Ah yes. She’s so powerful and mysterious.
I can’t believe she doesn’t drink something fruity.

Some screenwriter still thinks this is doing a lot of work.

She’s heavy on the leather, drives a muscle car and an unusual history in exploiting cyber vulnerabilities that paid for her flat—in cash. She knows how to cook, but lives on takeout and owns a tattoo gun.

All because she ordered whiskey. Neat.

Toothbrushes

It’s mean that the drug store sells a 2-pack of toothbrushes when you’re single. Especially when one of them is purple.

“I’ll just keep this… in case my mom sleeps over. You don’t throw away value.”

Names

Some names are never going to make it.

Guy: “What did you name your baby?”

Dad: “Nathaniel. Isn’t it great?”

Guy: “Oh. So you named him Nate.”

Dad: “Yep.”

International Travelers

Most people traveling by train in the U.S. are from another country. The shocking part is their data plan lets them talk in the seat next to you the entire ride.

Airports

What kind of deals are people trying to make at airport gate counters? I’ve flown a million times and never once needed to talk to anyone.

(whispering)

“Excuse me… if possible, I’d like to be on the really, really fast plane.”

See you soon,

— Ricky C.