It was just past midnight. Blue Banshee sat alone in a booth of the near-empty diner.
He was working on an American cheese omelet, chewing under his mask.
The waitress approached. “Can I warm up your coffee, sugar?”
Blue Banshee grunted.
“What’s that, darlin’?”
“Yes, please.”
She topped off his mug. “Feeling optimistic about tonight?”
He sat back. “Gladys, I’ve gotta say, I may have made a few mistakes, but tonight is foolproof.”
“Whoa, look at you. Whatcha planning? It’s not that idea about hiding on the roof of the boathouse, is it? I’m telling you, those things are slipperier than a tomato skin rain hat.”
“Delightful metaphor, I suppose. But no. I’m still, ah, waiting to try that one.” He rubbed his shoulder at the memory of sliding off the boathouse roof, slamming onto the deck, and bouncing into the water. “No, tonight, I’ve set a trap.”
“Okay, a trap. I like it.” She leaned against the server station, then laughed.
“What’s funny?”
“Oh, nothing. Just the idea of a trap. First thing that popped in my mind was something you’d see in a cartoon where they’re trying to catch a bunny with a box propped up by a stick, but instead of a carrot being on the ground it’d be something campers might eat. That’d be hilarious.”
Blue Banshee shifted some hash browns around on his plate. “Well, I mean, the box wouldn’t be super visible. It’d be covered in leaves and stuff.”
“Oh, Mr. Banshee. Please tell me.”
“What? I got the spicy ramen noodles. They love those.”
She shook her head. “Where’d you even find a box that big?”
“Back of the appliance store. Refrigerator box. I painted it dark, glued on some leaves. It’s fairly well camouflaged, especially at night.”
She noticed his shoulders slump. “Well, hey, what do I know? Right? Could be a camper already stuck in there. Though I guess they could just… lift off the box.” She shook her head. “Gladys, there you go again with your negative thoughts. I’ll just let you be. Can I get you anything? Some pie, maybe? On the house.”
“No, no. No pie. Just be on my way.”
“You sure? It’s peach crumb this week.”
“I’ll take it to go.”
*****
Blue Banshee’s Hyundai Sonata meandered down the winding county road. It was about a twenty-minute ride to the parking area near the camp.
He shook his head. “So stupid. Cardboard box trap, like I’m Wile E. Coyote.”
As he came around a bend, he spotted a car parked on the shoulder with its hazard lights blinking. He slowed to a crawl, leaning forward to see what was happening. A figure stood in front, looking under the hood. He pulled to the shoulder and stopped, then cut the lights.
“It appears fortune favors the persistent.”
The stranded man shut the hood after noticing Blue Banshee cut the lights. He was young, late teens, early twenties. He gave a nervous wave.
Blue Banshee grinned beneath the mask. “Poor sheep. Wrong place. Wrong time.” He stepped out of the car.
The young man took a step back upon seeing him. The mask, his intimidating size. “Whoa. Hey man. Cool, uh, cool mask. Early Halloween party or something?”
Blue Banshee remained silent, then slowly walked around the back of his Sonata.
“Hey, uh,” the guy said. “You don’t happen to have, like, a socket set, do you? Think I just need to adjust this belt.”
Blue Banshee opened the trunk. He reached inside and pulled out his axe.
The young man took another step backward.
Blue Banshee lowered the axe head to the pavement and began walking toward him, the metal scraping along the road. Sparks shot every few steps from the steel catching a stone.
“Hey, man, actually I think I’m alright. I’m just gonna see if I can call my roommate. He’s close by.”
Blue Banshee kept coming.
“Seriously, man. I’m all good.”
There were just twenty feet between them. He kept dragging the axe.
Fifteen now.
Ten.
An ignition fired behind him.
Blue Banshee turned around.
The Sonata’s headlights clicked on.
“What the—”
The Hyundai launched back onto the county road, kicking up gravel.
Honk, honk. Honk, honk, honk, honk, honnnnnnnnnnnnkk.
Blue Banshee spun around, hearing the other car start.
The young man was behind the wheel. “Catch ya later, Lurch!” He stomped the gas and peeled away.
Dust settled over the empty road. Crickets chirped from the woods as two engines faded into the night.
“My pie was in there.”
Consider subscribing for more comedy shorts.
If you dare.
See you soon,
—Ricky C.
My pie!
That was incredibly silly -and I mean that with admiration.